How to Recover from Breakups

Anyone that has ever committed to a romantic relationship has to go through this one heart-breaking, confusing, disappointing moment: breaking up with someone you used to love. This is because romantic relationships change the individual self and a couple develops shared activities, friends and sometimes overlapping self-concepts. All these intertwining selves can leave a partner(s) vulnerable to change if the relationship comes to an end. The pain one endures after a breakup can be devastating and excruciating. The human instinct after a break up is to run away from it and forget it as quickly as possible by distracting ourselves from emotions that will take our hearts and destroy the relationship in such a way like we used to know it. Being in a relationship a wonderful experience and a heavenly delight, but sometimes relationships have to come to an end and thus the need for coping mechanisms to deal with stress that may be as a result of a breakup. This paper will briefly highlight a number of steps that will help one recover after a breakup.

An important thing to do after a breakup is to try to recover. There are a number of different ways recommended by experts to help recover. As reported by Sigmund, new research indicates that broken hearted people who reflect more on their relationships over a two months period have a strong ability to recover from the breakup.  This is a process that relates to strengthening and rebuilding an independent relationship on the sense of what kind of a person you want to be. It is true that relationships have a philosophical impact on what a partner believes in themselves, as partners intertwine during a relationship and their life directions and goals change. This is because intimacy during a relationship means opening up to another person on their needs, feelings, love, and their dreams. Therefore, a breakup implies undoing all these merging which can be painful. Part of the healing process will be to re-establish what person you are without your partner. Anything that can re-strengthen and repair the self concept can be used to accelerate healing.

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According to Dvorsky, the first step of recovering from a breakup is to recognize that a piece of you has been lost. This is important as breakups are known to shatter people’s self concept due to intertwined sense of self that existed during a relationship. Self concept will help a person to know who they are and believe in themselves and their identity. Recognizing this fact will help one to talk about the breakup. Lammersen advises that home is the best way to help one recognize of the unfolding events. Going home to your family and friends can help cool things off and thus no need to be homeless during such difficult times. According to Sigmund, talking about a relationship breakup can help ease healing. Openly discussing about the breakup and your feelings is a powerful tool to manage the current feeling. This can be done to supportive family and friends and this can help to come to new understanding relieving some of the pain in the process. Holding all the negative feelings after a breakup or hiding or withdrawing from other people may not be the best thing to do. Sigmund further advises that additionally to talking to other close family members and friends, one can journal their feelings and thoughts as they relate to the breakup. Sigmund thinks that this is because people may not always be available when they are needed to talk to or when it is deemed too private, journaling one’s thoughts can be one comfortable feeling to let out. 

Another important step after a breakup is to focus on the positive. Maertz (pp22) asserts that it is important to recognize that the very nature of dating is that most of the relationships are likely to end up in a breakup. The person was probably not meant for us and until such a time we find the perfect match, then we will continue dating. It will therefore be vital to restructure self by focusing on the positive aspects. This will help us from feeling devastated. An end to a relationship is not the end of life but may be happening for some good reason. No match can ever be perfect but it is worthy finding a complimentary partner and this may involve dating in more than one relationship. It can only get worse if we personalize the breakup. There is no need to blame ourselves for the loss for too long. Maertz further asserts that this is because much pain from a relationship breakup emanates from seeing the fault in oneself and regretting any bad choices that may have been made. The process of self-blaming can go on for a long time unless we put an effort to end it. It will only be helpful if we see the ending of the relationship as a result of conflict of interest rather than one’s fault.  No person goes into a relationship to make it fail. So a breakup is only an unfortunate event that can be wished away as we move toward.

Another important step is to deal with withdrawal syndrome. According to research, being in a relationship is like an addiction to a drug and hence a breakup may result to withdrawal symptoms. Although it will be hard to function normally after a breakup due to stress and related factors, it will be important to deal with withdrawal symptoms early on. This may include not losing faith in relationships or people. There is no such thing as “all men/women are bad or untrustworthy,” as generalizing relationships from a limited history of the current relationship may not work. However, as Maertz warns, it is not wise to rely on your ex to maintain a friendship out of the relationship. You cannot depend on a drug that caused your addiction to help you overcome the addiction. This is because it will be harder to overcome a person if you continue seeing them. 

Finally, it is time to move on by examining what the relationship taught you, listing a number of negative attributes of your ex and positive things about being single at the moment. There is a lot of positivity that we can learn from the last relationship. According to Maertz, spending time thinking about it can help us make even better decisions in our future dealings. Making a list of your ex’s bad and annoying habits especially if the breakup was as a result of him/her can help in letting off. It is however important to avoid taking revenge. Instead, making a list of benefits of being single at the moment may rather help.


It is important that after a breakup, one recovers and recovers quickly. A breakup is not an end to life. It takes a while for a broken heart to heal as it involves both a physical and an emotional process. Family and friends can be used in the recovery process while it is only wise to avoid contacts with the ex as a reminder about him will only aggravate the situation. These steps will help one recover from a breakup and carry his/her life in a normal way soon.

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